September 25, 2009

My hands are cold.

I feel like I missed a season somewhere. Really, I have no desire to be melodramatic about this or make it into some deep metaphorical reflection of time spent and time lost and la la la, which is why I've been hesitant to allow myself to acknowledge this "feeling", but it keeps popping up in my thoughts. When I see the changing leaves and feel the burning fall air I am perplexed. Even as I stare at the colorful trees I am generally so eager to welcome and bundle up in the fantastic layers I anticipate pulling out every year, I feel so thrown off; I missed a season somewhere.
Maybe it has something to do with the shortage of hot summer days, or the fact that I no longer have the academic year with which to map out my months, or the fact that my day-to-day life has been all over the map (literally) these past nine months. Like I said, the thought of making this any deeper than it needs to be actually makes me feel a little sick.. but even metaphorically, have I missed a season?? Did I miss something I was supposed to do? Learn? Experience? Did I miss some great moment that was supposed to be a part of my life?

I missed something. Not because I was too busy, but because I was unaware. That's a really nauseating feeling.



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