November 14, 2009

Day 6 (Princeton, NJ)

I thought once I started this trip I would transfer the majority of my blogging over to our joint blog (posted below) but alas, I will not. I will be writing on the other blog too, but this one still will hold the majority of the deep things God is doing in me. The other will tell of where we've been and what we've been doing in the natural. There will be some alley-ways to my heart, but most of those will be right here.

So Where to Begin..

I knew this trip was going to be both intense and wonderful, I just didn't know how extreme those two experiences would be when they collided with one other. It is intense. And it is wonderful. There have been moments when I've caught myself asking if I can handle this for three months and moments when I've lost all sense of time and place and been so thoroughly content.

It's been a long time since I haven't been in a place of leadership/serving. I didn't expect to notice the absence of that so much after only 6 days. Suddenly I can really sense where I am in the Spirit, which is something I've been struggling with and fighting through since last December. It's been so difficult for me to figure out where I really am... where my heart is.. where God's heart for me is.. and now I sense I'm in a position where I might be able to receive from Him whatever it is He so desires for me to take away. It's so strange for me to be responsible for no one but myself. It's so unusual.. so odd for me to be able to place myself in a situation and think only of how this particular thing is impacting me, affecting me. It's going to take some getting used to. Without realizing it I became so used to approaching every situation and every person with a "what might they need that I will be able to offer" mentality. I almost think my life became a search for how I could help and support every one around me, no matter what kind of hit my own life would take because of that. (note: i realize this is not a bad thing, but right now in order to get out of this experience everything i need to, i need to lay this mentality to rest for a while).

SO, I'll be writing in here as I open myself up to experiencing life a little differently. Already my eyes have been opened and little areas within my soul have been awakened. In all honesty, my spirit is hungry. Really, really hungry. But I know God looks upon me, I know He sees my earnest hunger, and I know even now He's reaching into the manna of Heaven, fully intending to satisfy this aching spirit.

I intend to receive.


above all else: Love on November 15, 2009 at 5:48 PM said...

bahh, I still never called. I really wish your next exit would be ... well into my arms. <3

Amy on November 16, 2009 at 6:35 PM said...

Kendra Lee,

I am so happy I got to see you yesterday and be a stop on your incredible journey! I am so proud of you! You are so brave to just take of on this journey! I know God will lead you to the place where you belong. I know its difficult figuring it out now, but keep your faith strong in Him and you will end up in the right place. I love you and miss you! And I can't wait unitl our paths cross again!



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