December 5, 2009

Beautiful Life*

It's been awhile since I've updated this here lovely little place for my thoughts and life-happenings, so here I am sitting in an absolutely beautiful loaned house in Ave Maria, Florida thinking I just might take a few minutes here to fill those faithful followers in on how I am and where I am on this multidimensional journey...

The trip has been incredible, it really has.. I am constantly amazed at the seemingly endless generosity continually bestowed upon us, sometimes from total strangers. I've seen and experienced an element of trust between people that I wasn't expecting to recognize so clearly. People who don't have any idea who we really are have let us into their home to spend a night, leaving in the morning before we even wake up. That's some serious trust..
We've met all kinds of people.. people, people, people.. they intrigue me so! I could sit and listen to a person all day long, slowly sorting through what they're saying as I figure out what they actually mean.. the words in between the actual words.. I love watching the way their eyes move, the way their bodies speak, the way they interact with the people they know and love and the ones they don't. Last night I went to a pub with a woman in Ave I just met the other day. She's in her 60s, started her own business 25 years ago and went from having close to nothing to this place of excess in the span of those years. Such insight and understanding she has! We sat for two hours over dinner and she talked and talked and when she appologized at the end of the night for talking my ear off I could honestly say "Oh my goodness, no! I enjoyed it so much!" For me, this is life.. sharing time with total strangers until they're no longer strangers; giving parts of me away and taking parts of other people with me when I throw my clothes in the back of my car, pull out my atlas, and choose a direction..

Since we left I've had moments when I feel I'm gasping for air, wondering how I can be in this when there's so much "unknown" in my life. This trip no longer has a 3 month limit, which is incredibly exciting, wonderfully overwhelming, and.. scary. The days are so beautiful right now. I feel I could wander like this for a very long time, which scares me a little as well. But then there are the times when I sink into this and I know that this is for right now and for right now, it's not only okay, it's good. I've felt guilty knowing that just about everyone else I know is either working or in school while I'm out here doing this "crazy" (although it's really not so crazy now that I'm in it..) thing that everyone wishes they could do but "can't". There are times when I miss being a part of a solid group, be it in church or coaching or family or a cluster of close friends. But all these moments are fleeting.. I'm so content being in this right now. There's nothing else I could imagine doing right now. As much as I want to do this, I also need to do this. I'm experiencing my country, and oh my, it's beauty is unspeakable.. I'm only in Florida and already I sense myself falling in love *!!* with this country.. could it be that this is happening already? I wasn't sure it would happen at all, much less 4 weeks in.. but it is. The people, the places, the way it accepts me and what it's offering me.. it's more wonderful than I could have expected.

The mountains pull me in, healing me, rejuvinating me, threatening to never let me out- something I think I might one day be okay with. [Kendra the Mountain Girl..]

The ocean catches, holds, and releases a part of me the rivers and streams never have. Every time I see it is as though I'm seeing it for the first time.. but the water tastes so sweet and familiar every time.

But one thing I miss that I wasn't expecting at all:
I miss leading worship. I can't even believe it myself. The more I explore this the more convinced I am that it's something I'm supposed to be doing at this point in my life. God's whispering some things to me regarding this which I will reveal as they formulate a bit more..
I wish I could load a piano on top of the suburu.. there are times my desire feels strong enough to call a need.

Oh, beautiful life..*

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